This article is for parents.

I’ve been a father for almost six years now. Looking back, I’m struck by two things:

• How quickly the years pass.
• How short are the net moments of connection with your child.

The first point doesn’t need much elaboration. Everyone tells you about it; it is hard to believe it when you have a newborn and every day is long and intense, but then you realize it is true: it does go by very quickly!

The second point, about how few “micro” moments one really has, is the most compelling to me. Years are made of days. And most of the day is not spent in connection with one’s child. Even when not working and being in the same room, it is possible to not connect.

Making time to connect with your child is necessary. But remaining present and open during that time is key. Most of the moments I missed with my daughter, I missed not because I wasn’t there physically; I wasn’t present enough mentally.

Usual culprits for lack of presence:

• Thinking about work.
• Doing some chore around the house that can be dealt with later.
• Having an adult conversation for which there is also time later.
• Eating.
• Distracted with screens.

What I’m trying to do is to notice the invitation. The invitation is every time that my child reaches out to me and asks for attention, in order to play or do something together. I might not be able to heed all the invitations (because I perhaps have to work, or because my presence is low). But I am learning to recognize, acknowledge, cherish and accept these invitations as often as I can.

A lot of these invitations are for things that are not planned, or not exactly my idea of fun. For example, putting diapers on two dolls, during a seven minute sliver between breakfast and school. But, at the end of the day, those are seven minutes of connection that add up with a few more in the evening. As the author says in Raising Good Humans, small moments is all you have. Holidays and weekends give more time, but many invitations can be ignored or not properly accepted if one is worried about the hotel, the boarding pass, or catching another nap.

I feel these invitations are all I have with my daughter. And I’m learning from her how to start them myself.

Hope this helps you too.