Ray Dalio has the following formula:

Pain + reflection = progress

Following its logic, to progress we need to 1) experience pain; 2) reflect on it.

Everybody experiences their good share of pain, there seems to be no shortage on it. Of course, you can expose yourself to more pain by taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone.

The principal failure I see (in myself and others) regarding the experience of pain is not really being aware of it. Numbing ourselves with addictions is a typical way to do this. But I’ve also seen a happy-go-lucky type of jumping through pain that lets some just go through it, suffer a bit less, and not really change anything.

The main failure mode I experience on the second part of the equation, lack of proper reflection on the experienced pain (which is a leap forward, because you’re at least aware of it!) is complaining. What complaining does is to crowd out reflection on what you can really do about it, and how much of this pain is really originating in yourself. That’s probably why complaining is so damaging.